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Most of our censure of others is only oblique praise of self, uttered to show the wisdom and superiority of the speaker. It has all the insidiousness of self-praise, and all the ill-desert of falsehood.
Tyron Edwards
My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.
Errol Flynn
US (Australian-Tasmanian-born) movie actor (1909 - 1959)
My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.
Rita Rudner
US comedian
More than any time in history mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
Woody Allen
US movie actor, comedian, & director (1935 - )
My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me.
Henry Ford
US automobile industrialist (1863 - 1947)
My goal is simple. It is a complete understanding of the universe, why it is as it is and why it exists at all.
Stephen Hawking
English cosmologist and physicist (1942 - )
Mistakes are the portals of discovery.
James Joyce
Irish author (1882 - 1941)
My interest is in the future because I am going to spend the rest of my life there.
Charles F. Kettering
US electrical engineer & inventor (1876 - 1958)
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
Groucho Marx
US comedian with Marx Brothers (1890 - 1977)
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution.
Henry Louis Mencken
Misquotations are the only quotations that are never misquoted.
Hesketh Pearson
Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.
Robert Orben
My mother buried three husbands ... and two of them were only napping.
Rita Rudner
US comedian
Man forgives woman anything save the wit to outwit him.
Minna Antrim
My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
Groucho Marx
US comedian with Marx Brothers (1890 - 1977)
My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
Phyllis Diller
Man is the only animal that learns by being hypocritical. He pretends to be polite and then, eventually, he _becomes_ polite.
Jean Kerr
Most men who are not married by the age of thirty-five are either homosexual or really smart.
Becky Rodenbeck
Mothers are a biological necessity; fathers are a social invention.
Margaret Mead
US anthropologist & popularizer of anthropology (1901 - 1978)
Mothers, food, love, and career, the four major guilt groups.
Cathy Guisewite
Tyron Edwards
My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.
Errol Flynn
US (Australian-Tasmanian-born) movie actor (1909 - 1959)
My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.
Rita Rudner
US comedian
More than any time in history mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
Woody Allen
US movie actor, comedian, & director (1935 - )
My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me.
Henry Ford
US automobile industrialist (1863 - 1947)
My goal is simple. It is a complete understanding of the universe, why it is as it is and why it exists at all.
Stephen Hawking
English cosmologist and physicist (1942 - )
Mistakes are the portals of discovery.
James Joyce
Irish author (1882 - 1941)
My interest is in the future because I am going to spend the rest of my life there.
Charles F. Kettering
US electrical engineer & inventor (1876 - 1958)
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
Groucho Marx
US comedian with Marx Brothers (1890 - 1977)
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution.
Henry Louis Mencken
Misquotations are the only quotations that are never misquoted.
Hesketh Pearson
Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.
Robert Orben
My mother buried three husbands ... and two of them were only napping.
Rita Rudner
US comedian
Man forgives woman anything save the wit to outwit him.
Minna Antrim
My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
Groucho Marx
US comedian with Marx Brothers (1890 - 1977)
My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
Phyllis Diller
Man is the only animal that learns by being hypocritical. He pretends to be polite and then, eventually, he _becomes_ polite.
Jean Kerr
Most men who are not married by the age of thirty-five are either homosexual or really smart.
Becky Rodenbeck
Mothers are a biological necessity; fathers are a social invention.
Margaret Mead
US anthropologist & popularizer of anthropology (1901 - 1978)
Mothers, food, love, and career, the four major guilt groups.
Cathy Guisewite
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